


In my place

by sleepy_fl0wers



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Dream Smp, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, JAMES MY BELOVED, Light Angst, M/M, Post-The Masquerade, Purple Prose, Slow Dancing, Tenderness, Time Travel, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, i promise :), kinda !!, sorry i had to tag that, this is just really sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:35:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29236920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepy_fl0wers/pseuds/sleepy_fl0wers
Summary: "Karl! Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you everywhere!"The voice strikes him in a second, comfort and relief so deep he can immediately relax, joy coursing through his whole body, and ingrained until he can feel it in his bones, like a rumble.Sapnap smiles in breathless adoration and eyes that glisten with wonder, so much so that Karl feels like he can barely breathe, barely think. He can barely stand on his feet, he can barely force himself to not melt into a puddle in the ground. He can barely keep himself from flooding over, from his lungs expanding and unfolding until he can once again feel like his chest isn't being contracted, by leaves, by flowers that grow inside his ribcage, by birds that float and exclaim in tempo with the loud beating of his heart. With the blood flowing through his veins.He’s finally home again.Aka. In which there's justsomethingabout James that feels so very familiar to Karl. Almost like they've met before...
Relationships: Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 30
Kudos: 272





	In my place

**Author's Note:**

> Karlnap Nation I love you so so much you deserve so much more content than you get c'mere I'm gonna give you a pat in the head
> 
> Please be mindful of my requests as an author !! Don't try and show this to ccs involved, but any kind of recommendation or stuff in between the fandom would be so very pog !!  
> My peak as an author would be to make it to a recommended fics account ngl /lh
> 
> If any ccs state to be uncomfy with fics being written about them i will gladly take this down !! what matters most is for their boundaries to be respected :]
> 
> Title and well, inspiration in general is from [In my place by coldplay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iE4Z9jRZ_c) !! because holy shit, i could make an entire google doc explanation on why it’s such a dsmp karl song,,, just,,, oh my god,,, the time traveler trope never fails to punch me in the gut,,, 
> 
> Hope you enjoy !! thank you for clicking :]

Somehow, Karl always ends up in the same frustrating situation, time, and time and time again.

He’ll travel, and come back a different person, and he hates it. He hates the fuzzy patches of emptiness that leave his head hollow after he’s forced to travel.  
He hates the looks he’s given in other places, and at home. They make him feel out of place, like a foreigner in his own mind, nothing but a stranger living life through his body, a vessel of space that somehow he’s not the person occupying.

The pang of remembrance strikes him hard, like a punch to the gut that fizzles with a sensation of either butterflies flapping their orange-tinged wings inside his belly, or an explosion of pain so blinding it numbs the sting of hurt; he can’t tell which one it is, not as he gazes at eyes filled to the brim with a certain kind of shimmer he can’t help but find a familiar comfort in.

“I’m James.” The owner of the pair of pretty eyes says. Karl can catch the disinterest in his voice, and the disregard he has for the gathering slips even past the white mask he’s wearing. There’s something about the way he glides into the room like he owns the place that makes Karl stifle a nervous laugh. Whatever it is about James’ presence that makes him feel so warm, is quickly left as background noise when a different voice speaks up.

“Oh, James! It’s good to see you, my good friend! How is the wife?” Sir Billiam exclaims, voice enveloped in velvety egocentrism, almost like he feels obliged to ask.  
Karl finds the man’s need to make his voice more refined useless, but he’s not about to say it and get kicked out of this party. He doesn’t quite remember how he got invited in the first place, but oh well, the people here seem nice enough. -And for just _a second,_ he stops to wonder if perhaps he just wants to stay because something about James’ voice pulls him in like a magnetic force.-

“Divorced.” James answers plainly. Karl would be lying if he said he doesn’t feel a small twinge of satisfaction at the affirmation that he’s in fact, not married. He wonders why, what about this man can seem so… comforting, to him. Why his hands seem to itch to take his mask off just to get a better look at him, just to watch his eyes until he can memorize each and every spot of color in his irises.

“How’s the family?”

“Gone.”

a silence falls upon the room, as Sir Billiam stares blankly at James, standing in front of him. Karl would dare say the host’s brow could be seen furrowed in concern if it wasn’t for the pig-shaped mask he wears.

“It’s hard to talk to you.” He declares, and turns around to converse with Sebastian. Karl slaps his hand over his mouth in a laugh that seems to get James’ attention, cause suddenly he’s turning to face him for the first time since he got to the mansion, and _woah, hold on, what color even are his eyes?_

James’ white ruffled shirt drops down his arms in a captivating way, and Karl can’t help but stare, _definitely_ more than he should.  
Before he can catch his own racing mind, there are words tumbling out of his mouth, willed by his frozen brain, and treacherous throat.

“I like your- your... _clearly,_ built body.” He’s registering the phrase’s inappropriate -and, frankly embarrassing- nature until after the words linger in the air. They earn him a strangled look from every other guest, -he knows, simply because he can feel them on him, even with the masks.- and James alike.

“Sorry, I just now met you, but-” suddenly, he’s interrupted.

“Wait, who are you?” James asks, and tilts his head to the side, eyes burning with something Karl can classify as curiosity, even if the look’s got a certain tilt of playfulness to it. “What’s your name?” he stammers out. 

“I’m Karl!” He starts, and there’s something about the way in which James leans his body towards him that makes Karl have a small deja vu. Somehow, like he’s repeating words he’s already said before, and yes, it’s a greeting, he's done it millions upon millions of times, but, James keeps glancing at him and hiding smiles that make Karl’s stomach turn and turn in a way that makes him feel drunk, that simply feels _too_ natural. For a second, Karl wonders if they’ve met in a past life. “And, your name is James?” 

He commands the phrase to be an affirmation, but the feeling in his stomach -He’s starting to believe they’re really butterflies and not a punch to the gut.- makes the statement turn into a question as it’s said.  
“James… yeah.” he trails off as an answer, and for a second it’s just the two of them inside the large entrance hall, as they stand in front of each other.

Yeah, Karl is suddenly acutely aware that he _has_ to know James. There is no way he’s a stranger. He can feel his palms begin to sweat, and he’s lightheaded and giddy in a way he doesn’t ever want to stop experiencing. 

James feels like coming back home after being away for a long time, and Karl didn’t know he was homesick until he’s finally beside him.

He regrets more than anything not asking for a dance once he’s leaving whatever plane or timeline this is.

<> <> <> <> <>

Karl is back from the in-between before he knows it, and like every time, nothing seems to have changed, luckily for him.  
His mind feels blurry as it always does when he appears in his library, spots in between words, and feelings where memories should be.

He can remember eyes, and the tingling and scorching feeling of the burn of fingertips against his palms. He can recall the sounds of voices and screams of terror and the consuming feeling of dread that settles in his stomach like it would after waking up from a nightmare.

He tries to get out of this place as fast as he can. There’s something curling in his chest, contracting his throat in a knot that’s almost painful. It’s something that makes his chest feel hollow, empty. Like he’s missing something that should be there. He desperately wishes he knew what it is.

And, for the second time today, remembrance strikes him.  
He doesn't think he’s ever ran as fast as he’s running home right now, desperation clawing at him like daggers on his skin.

The bite of the wind against his face is unbelievably unpleasant, and his eyes water at the fact that it took him so long to remember that Sapnap is waiting home for him, probably worried to death and wondering where he’s been all this time.  
It feels like millennia, and minutes, like forever and never, like years and years ago, and seconds prior.

Karl feels like he’s spent his entire life with him already, and still, he can’t stop the stupid melancholy that fills him at the thought that Sapnap is slipping like sand through his fingers.  
It’ll never be enough time, he knows it, and he’s so aware of the horrible truth that, even as a time traveler, there is nothing he can do to keep him beside him for as long as the universe shall let him.

Sapnap is his home, whether it be eons ago, or right this moment. Sapnap has always been home with his silly jokes and his soft looks. With his bravery and his courage and his most vulnerable moments. With his tears and his laugh and everything in between them. With hushed words, so quiet, whispered like ancient hymns only they know, and with shouts so intense and loud they might as well move mountains.

Sapnap is home, and Karl is homesick, even sitting next to him.

No amount of time travel will ever be enough to satisfy him of Sapnap’s company. It feels like he’s miles away when they hold hands, like he’s nothing but a memory he can barely recall in between chats and words out of reach. And it hurts.  
He’s got him, and yet Karl feels like it’s a countdown of time he has against the clock, time until he can no longer remember what his voice sounds like in his ears, and what constellations he can draw with the freckles on his face.

"Karl! Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you everywhere!"  
The voice strikes him in a second, comfort and relief so deep he can immediately relax, joy coursing through his whole body, and ingrained until he can feel it in his bones, like a rumble.  
Sapnap smiles in breathless adoration and eyes that glisten with wonder, so much so that Karl feels like he can barely breathe, barely think. He can barely stand on his feet, he can barely force himself to not melt into a puddle in the ground. He can barely keep himself from flooding over, from his lungs expanding and unfolding until he can once again feel like his chest isn't being contracted, by leaves, by flowers that grow inside his ribcage, by birds that float and exclaim in tempo with the loud beating of his heart. With the blood flowing through his veins.

But he can't help the smile that drips from his lips in sweet drops of honey as easily as he can keep himself from crying in the spot from the pure amount of happiness that takes over his body, that leaves him light and floating in the air just by hearing Sapnap saying his name in that sweet, lavender scented way that makes him feel intoxicated with affection, driven into madness.

And he wishes. He wishes and he longs, so hard, that he can feel his chest ache as his heartbeat picks up.  
His eyes fill with tears, his head pounds and his hands tremble. 

He hopes, he yearns. And he keeps on. Aching. It's a cycle, nothing he can stop from happening, nothing he can stop himself from feeling.

_He’s finally home again._

He feels so much intense adoration he _spills._  
His breath hitches.

"Nimrod." Karl whispers, breathless, and the word feels so sweet, like a declaration of love just in itself, because he knows that Sap has no idea where he’s been, what he’s seen. He doesn't know, that somehow, someway, _it's always him._ Not like he does.  
"I’m sorry I worried you. But now I’m here." He offers him a smile. 

Karl hurts, at the mere thought of losing this, of not knowing or remembering the way in which his heart beats against his chest, almost like it’ll rip out of his chest with how fast it’s beating, of the way Sapnap's eyes reflect such strong affection that he feels like he has to look away. That it’s _too much,_ that he can't take it.

He hurts, and his heart contracts to the very core of his soul as he lays awake during sleepless nights, trying to memorize each and every freckle, every eyelash and every crevice of Sapnap’s face, his own quiet tears trickling down his face as he shakes, trembles uselessly, hands that can barely do anything other than clutch into themselves painfully, or brush hair out of the sleeping man’s forehead silently, softly, like a secret stored for only him to treasure and remember in the dead of the night. _He can’t afford to lose this._

"I’m glad you’re back." Sapnap answers without missing a single beat, within a second, and Karl can only smile in shame, as the sun makes his hair glisten.  
It makes his stomach twist painfully into a knot, and worst of all, it makes him _want,_ and that's just plainly dangerous on itself. But, it's not like Karl hasn't risked his comfort and certainty of things for Sapnap before. _What should stop him this time?_

It’s instinctive, the way in which he reaches out for a hug, a simple explanation of _just because I can_ goes unspoken. Maybe Sap can see how he’s not smiling anymore, just staring at him like it’s the last time he gets to do so. Perhaps it’s because it feels like it is, but he doesn't ask. He just flashes him a grin that makes Karl’s insides feel like they’re melting, easy and soft like wax.  
Sap opens his arms, and the moment Karl is surrounded by the warmth of his embrace, he knows this is the best out timeline of them all.

He wants nothing but to stop the world, stop time from trickling by, from moving. He wants to make life slow and matterless. For it to be made of nothing that isn’t sweet memories of hands clinging to each other under silk sheets and long walks in the green of meadows that extend infinitely.

“Dance with me.” Karl asks with a quiet voice. He knows he’s been silent for some minutes now, idle hands pressing against Sapnap’s back, enjoying the solid reassurance that _he’s here,_ in front of him, and not going anywhere, at least for now.

Sapnap buries his dazzling smile into his neck, -He can feel the way his stubble tickles his skin, and lets out a chuckle- and starts swaying them slowly from side to side. Karl just holds on tighter, and hums along to a gentle melody he can’t recall very clearly; he just knows he’s heard it somewhere, sometime before.  
Sapnap apparently knows it too, because he starts singing softly along with Karl’s humming.

_”Sing it, please, please, please_

_Come back and sing to me, to me, me_

_Come on and sing it out, now, now_

_Come on and sing it out, to me, me_

_Come back and sing it”_

They spend long dancing together, relishing in each other’s presence, and Karl doesn’t think there’s anywhere he would rather be, no matter where, or when.  
He reaches for Sapnap’s hand to hold and places a kiss on the top of it. He places another one on the top of his head and lingers. He doesn’t want to forget the most minimal detail about this wonderful person standing here with him, wouldn't forgive himself if he did.

Sapnap looks up to him, trapped stars glistening and shimmering, and Karl might as well just fall even deeper than he’s fallen already. With him, it’s as easy as breathing.  
“Sometimes I feel like we’ve met before,” he starts. “In a past life, or something.”

Karl only smiles, tight-lipped and holding back tears. “Maybe we did.”

“How crazy would that be?” Sapnap reaches up one of his hands to play with Karl’s hair, and his fingers almost burn him. It’s almost too much, too much love running through his veins like they were made for that, too much affection seeping through his eyes. Just _too much… too good to be true._ “That we’ve known eachother forever?”

But it is. It is true, and Karl is oh so willing to give anything in his power to keep it that way. To keep remembering.  
He’ll write poems about Sapnap’s eyes to forever remember their color, he’ll write sonnets and diary entries, as many as it takes to capture the feeling of ease that comes with listening to his voice. He’ll paint, millions upon millions of pictures, and try his very best to reflect the beauty of Sapnap’s mused and untamed hair after they chase after each other with laughs echoing all through the house.

He’ll remember. 

“Pretty crazy,” Karl agrees with a chuckle. “But, think of how many times we’ve danced together then. I think we’re soulmates.”

**Author's Note:**

> Tysm for reading !! comments are as always, not necessary, but super super appreciated !! i see and answer each of them :]
> 
> Quick funfact: all dialogue used on the first part of the fic was literally transcripted from the stream itself !! it was very fun to extract it from the vod and write it skdbksudjbvjdv
> 
> Here's [my twitter](https://twitter.com/strawberrypandy) !! come say hi :)


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